About 4 years ago during February vacation my family and I took a trip up north to Stowe Mountain to go Skiing. We had packed the car and checked everything and set off for four hours of driving. On the way up the snow got deeper and deeper and all the trees were completely white. I was intrigued by the snowy scenes and it made me even more excited for the trip. When we got to our destination I stepped out of the car and was instantly blinded by the sparkling snow, I then started to unload the car as my Dad checked in. I lugged my suitcase through the snow to the Chalet we were staying; I opened the door and was in complete awe. It had a huge fire place with big couches and a large window with the perfect view of the mountain. “This is amazing!” I told my Parents as they were coming in. My Mom smiled and said “I’m glad you like it.” I beamed and went upstairs to check out the other rooms. A few hours passed and we were all getting tired, it had been a long day so we went to bed early and got rested for skiing the next day.
The next day I woke up to the bright sunrise shining over the mountain top, the sky was clear and blue and it was the perfect day for skiing. I put my slippers on and went downstairs for breakfast; I could smell the aroma of waffles wafted through the air and hear the sound of bacon sizzling. I sat down as my mom put a plate of waffles, bacon and eggs in front of me. I ate until my stomach felt like it was going to burst open. I then got my ski clothes on, followed by my ski boots and went down stairs. We were all set so we piled in the car and headed off to the mountain. On the way there my Dad was telling my brothers and I to be cautious be cause some of trails are a bit challenging. At the time of this trip I will tell you that I was not the best skier and looking back I can tell you I thought I was a lot better then I actually was. So as my Dad was talking I ignored him, staring out the window. We got there and I couldn’t wait to get out there and ski. We all trudged along with our skis to the Gondola where we put them on then got whisked up to the summit. As were riding up I noticed a lot of trails with trees on them, I asked my Dad, “Do you think I could go down those?’
“I wouldn’t if I were you, I don’t think their on your level.” He responded.
I frowned, I was pretty sure I could ski those trails, I mean I was a pretty good skier.
We unloaded from the Gondola and I skied off and in amazement saw the 360 degree view of Vermont from the summit. Then we all went down and glided through the trails. I was having fun then I saw the Trail with the trees on them, I convinced my Dad to go down with me, thinking it would be simple and easy I was soon going to be proved wrong. It was probably one of the scariest trails I had gone on at the time and I was completely out of control to a point I hit a couple trees. Finally I stopped in the middle of the trail and started to cry, it was horrible. So my Dad called the Ski Patrol and they drove us down the Mountain.
At the Base My dad and me went into the lodge and sat down. He then said,
“I Thought I told you to be cautious?”
I responded, “Well, I thought I could ski that trail”
“Maybe you weren’t as good as you thought you were.” He said.
I thought about it and as much as I want to deny it my Dad was right. I hadn’t listened to him the whole time thinking I was better than everyone else at skiing when actually I wasn’t. I guess my Pride just got the best of me.
Please Proofread my essay, Generally for grammar and puntuation.Thanks!.?
Good voice. I would suggest that you proofread this with WORD spell and grammar check ( listed under tools). Most of what I would change would be minor--like commas. Use commas in front of most conjunctions and after parenthetical phrases such as finally, or , as much as I wanted to deny it. Also, start a new paragraph whenever someone else speaks.
Reply:I've edited/revised your essay as follows:
About four years ago during February vacation, my family and I took a trip up north to Stowe Mountain to go skiing. We had packed the car, checked everything, and set off for four hours of driving. On the way up, the snow got deeper and deeper, and all the trees were completely white. I was cited for the trip.
When we got to our destination, I stepped out of the car and was instantly blinded by the sparkling snow, I then started to unload the car as my dad checked in. I lugged my suitcase through the snow to the chalet where we were staying; I opened the door and was in complete awe. It had a huge fire place with big couches and a large window with the perfect view of the mountain.
“This is amazing!” I told my parents as they were coming in.
My mom smiled and said, “I’m glad you like it.” I beamed and went upstairs to check out the other rooms. A few hours passed, and we were all getting tired because it had been a long day so we went to bed early and got rested for skiing the next day.
The following morning I woke up to the bright sunrise shining over the mountain top, the sky was clear and blue, and it was the perfect day for skiing. I put my slippers on and went downstairs for breakfast; I could smell the aroma of waffles wafted through the air, and I could hear the sound of bacon sizzling. I sat down as my mom put a plate of waffles, bacon and eggs in front of me. I ate until my stomach felt like it was going to burst open. I then got my ski clothes on, followed by my ski boots, and went down stairs.
We were all set so we piled in the car and headed off to the mountain. On the way there, my dad was telling my brothers and me to be cautious because some of trails are a bit challenging. At the time of this trip, I admit I was not the best skier and looking back I realize I thought I was a lot better than I actually was. So as my dad was talking, I ignored him, staring out the window.
We got there, and I couldn’t wait to get out and ski. We all trudged along with our skis to the gondola where we put them on and then got whisked up to the summit.
As we were riding up, I noticed a lot of trails with trees on them. I asked my dad, “Do you think I could go down those?"
“I wouldn’t if I were you. I don’t think their on your level,” he responded.
I frowned because I was pretty sure I could ski those trails. I mean, I was a pretty good skier.
We unloaded from the gondola, and I skied off and in amazement saw the 360 degree view of Vermont from the summit. Then we all went down and glided through the trails. I was having fun. Then I saw the trails with the trees on them, and I convinced my dad to go down with me, thinking it would be simple and easy. I was soon going to be proved wrong. It was probably one of the scariest trails I had gone on at the time, and I was completely out of control to a point I hit a couple trees. Finally I stopped in the middle of the trail and started to cry; it was horrible. So my dad called the Ski Patrol, and they drove us down the mountain.
At the base my dad and I went into the lodge and sat down. He then said, “I thought I told you to be cautious.”
I responded, “Well, I thought I could ski that trail.”
“Maybe you weren’t as good as you thought you were,” he said.
I thought about it, and as much as I want to deny it, my dad was right. I hadn’t listened to him the whole time thinking I was better than everyone else at skiing when actually I wasn’t. I guess my pride just got the best of me.
**************
Be careful about capitalizing words; capitalize only those that are proper nouns like the names of people or places. Commas are also a problem for you. Review the rules for these, and you'll improve your writing. Indent to begin a new paragraph every time you change speakers.
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