My humorous western poem?

I rode into this one horse town


And off my horse my boots go down


I step into this one saloon


But they said they'd be closing soon





It's not that it is getting late


There's a gunfight going that won't wait


I think I'll stay and stick around


Just to see the one that will go down





The gunfight will go on at noon


I check my watch, it's coming soon


I see two men with holsters on


We'll see which gun is fastest drawn





They stare each other in the face


The town is there, they pack the place


A preacher says some lines he read


Two mother's pray alone instead





They then look each other in the eye


Two shots ring out, and one will die


The one shot low, last breath he vented


I told him high, this suit is rented

My humorous western poem?
Very funny. My only suggestion would be to consider expanding the vocabulary. Your frequent use of one-syllable words gives it a very staccato sound.
Reply:It's fine. a couple of minor things: mothers (plural)


one-horse town


Just because there were two shots fired does not mean anything was hit.


I told him, "High! This suit is rented!"


One last thing: you use "This one" "one" and dull verbs like "go" "say" "step" repeatedly. Find some busier, more exact verbs to use. like "slid," "flying," "Jumping," "glare," etc.


It is a great idea, just needs to be "juiced up" a bit.


Read "The Elements of Style" by Strunk and White. Memorize it.


Keep writing....
Reply:nice poem
Reply:Really cute poem. . But the 4th sentence in paragraph one and two does not flow as well. .
Reply:Cute! You should enter it into a poetry contest!



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