In Phoenix , Arizona , a 26-year-old mother stared
Down at her 6 year old son, who was dying of
Terminal leukemia. Although her heart was filled
With sadness, she also had a strong feeling of
Determination. Like any parent, she wanted her
Son to grow up and fulfill all his dreams. Now
That was no longer possible..
The leukemia would see to that. But she still
Wanted her son's dreams to come true. She took
Her son's hand and asked, "Billy, did you ever
Think about what you wanted to be once you grew
Up? Did you ever dream and wish what you would do
With your life?"
Mommy, "I always wanted to be a fireman when I grew up."
Mom smiled back and said, "Let's see if we can
Make your wish come true."
Later that day she went to her local fire
Department in Phoenix , Arizona , where she met
Fireman Bob, who had a heart as big as Phoenix .
She explained her son's final wish and asked if
It might be possible to give her six-year-old son
A ride around the block on a fire engine.
Fireman Bob said, "Look, we can do better than
That. If you'll have your son ready at seven
O'clock Wednesday morning, we'll make him an
Honorary fireman for the whole day. He can come
Down to the fire station, eat with us, go out on
All the fire calls, the whole nine yards! And if
You'll give us ! His sizes, we'll get a real fire
Uniform for him, with a real fire hat-not a toy
One-with the emblem of the Phoenix Fire
Department on it, a yellow slicker like we wear
And rubber boots. They're all manufactured right
Here in Phoenix , so we can get them fast.."
Three days later Fireman Bob picked up Billy,
Dressed him in his fire uniform and escorted him
From his hospital bed to the waiting hook and
Ladder truck. Billy got to sit on the back of the
Truck and help steer it back to the fire station..
He was in heaven. There were three fire calls in
Phoenix that day and Billy got to go out on all
Three calls. He rode in the different fire
Engines, the paramedic's van, and even the fire chief's car.
He was also videotaped for the local news
Program. Having his dream come true, with all the
Love and attention that was lavished upon him, so
Deeply touched Billy that he lived three months
Longer than any doctor thought possible.
One night all of his vital signs began to drop
Dramatically and the head nurse, who believed in
The hospice concept that no one should die alone,
Began to call the family members to the hospital.
Then she remembered the day Billy had spent as a
Fireman, so she called the Fire Chief and asked
If it would be possible to send a fireman in
Uniform to the hospital to be with Billy as he
Made his transition.
The chief replied, "We can do better than that.
We'll be there in five minutes.
Will you please do me a favor?
When you hear the sirens screaming and see the
Lights flashing, will you announce over the PA
System that there is not a fire? It's just the
Fire department coming to see one of its finest
Members one more time.
And will you open the window to his room?
About five minutes later a hook and ladder truck
Arrived at the hospital and extended its ladder
Up to Billy's third floor open window
16 firefighters climbed up the ladder into
Billy's room.
With his mother's permission, they
Hugged him and held him and told him how much
They loved him.
With his dying breath, Billy
Looked up at the fire chief and said,
"Chief, am I really a fireman now?"
"Billy, you are, and the Head Chief, Jesus, is holding your hand,"
The chief said.
With those words, Billy smiled and said,
"I know, He's been holding my hand all day, and the angels have been singing.."
He closed his eyes one last time.
This is so touching... Must read and think...?
Sometimes I read stories like this and wonder if they're real just because it's so perfect.
Reply:simply touching...im giving you a star
Reply:very touching but curious why its in the jokes and riddles section
Reply:wow!!!!!! this gave me chill bumps!!! i was a volunteer junior firefighter for a year and this is truly a miracle story {almost in tears} this was amazing!!
Reply:it is heart touching...tears have flown from my eyes
wonderful
Reply:i agree with you
Reply:awww. yes that very touching and sad at the same time.!!!
Reply:yeas........ it really is touchin!!!
Reply:AHHHH HELP ME IT'S 2 LONG !!!!
Reply:Should this story be true irrespective of whether it was in Jokes %26amp; Riddles, it was very moving and I did have a tear or two in my eye! If it wasn't true, apart from the staggered sentences it was well worded and well written.
Reply:omg it is really cool.
is it a true story?
Reply:Do you work for the Fire Dept or Kleenix?
I don't mind which category you put this story in, it"s good for every one.
Too long? Only if you run out of Kleenix.
Two stars if I could.
Nate:
I love the flowers advice.
Reply:Yes a fire deparment went a whole 100 yards for him!
Reply:AWW~. but y is it da jokes and riddles section??
Reply:ermm sad but why did I need to read that? :s
Reply:give me the shivers, great 1. and have a star
develop skin cancer
Friday, November 6, 2009
Snowboard bindings too small?
Okay so I dont really know that much about how bindings are supposed to fit, but today I got some Ride RX bindings and the person who was working said I should get a Large size binding and i wear a size 12 boot.. but when i got home i looked at the box and it says that a large is for sizes 8-11 and XL is for 11-15..My boots are just one size over the limit but anyways I was wondering if this was going to be a big deal because a Large was the only size they had. Thanks for any help =)
Snowboard bindings too small?
Different binding companies and boot companies will vary. For example, Burton's L are just 12+. However, as you said, I guess Ride has XL. DC boots tend to be larger too, so the only way to really tell is to put the boot into the binding and see how it fits.
If the larges are only supposed to fit up to 11's, the 12's may be tight. However, I've heard of people using a size smaller bindings or larger to get a tighter or looser fit.
Just put the boot in and see how it is. Really is no other way to tell.
Reply:As long as your boot goes all the way to the back of the binding and you can center it on your board it is fine. Some guys that I ride with buy bindings too small on purpose to ensure they get a tight responsive fit to their boot. Again the most important ting is that you can adjust the bindings so the boot is properly centered on the board.
Reply:boot up and strap in if you fit even if its tight so be it.
and i know ride very well and there bindingstraps can be adjusted to be lager. so look at em and youll soon figur it out.
Reply:hot far do your toes hang over your bindings? how far can you tighte your bindings when wearing thee boots? that is all that matters if u ask me..
microsoft excel
Snowboard bindings too small?
Different binding companies and boot companies will vary. For example, Burton's L are just 12+. However, as you said, I guess Ride has XL. DC boots tend to be larger too, so the only way to really tell is to put the boot into the binding and see how it fits.
If the larges are only supposed to fit up to 11's, the 12's may be tight. However, I've heard of people using a size smaller bindings or larger to get a tighter or looser fit.
Just put the boot in and see how it is. Really is no other way to tell.
Reply:As long as your boot goes all the way to the back of the binding and you can center it on your board it is fine. Some guys that I ride with buy bindings too small on purpose to ensure they get a tight responsive fit to their boot. Again the most important ting is that you can adjust the bindings so the boot is properly centered on the board.
Reply:boot up and strap in if you fit even if its tight so be it.
and i know ride very well and there bindingstraps can be adjusted to be lager. so look at em and youll soon figur it out.
Reply:hot far do your toes hang over your bindings? how far can you tighte your bindings when wearing thee boots? that is all that matters if u ask me..
microsoft excel
Its long but all funny and true what do you think yes or no?
These are actual signs seen around the world in non-English speaking countries. Some of the mistakes are hilarious!
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ***?
On a faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guarenteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideaways.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special coctails for the ladies with the nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian coctail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot beave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig hotel elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening on underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Honk Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15.000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that poeple of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
Its long but all funny and true what do you think yes or no?
Very Good have a Star
Reply:its great i love it wee bit too long thoguh but well done.
Reply:Very funny! Good job!
Reply:hehehehehehehehehehehehehe These are hilarious!!! couldn't stop laughing from beginning to end!! thanks for sharing!
Reply:lol
Reply:long but well worth the reading.
it was hilarious babe!!
Reply:Very interesting.
Reply:YES, These are GREAT. TOOO funny!
Reply:Ha ha ha.!!!
Excellent ones again Chris.!!!
Got me laughing here mate.!!!
10/10.!!!
Cheers.!!
Reply:FUNNY
Reply:Dude your killin me here lol
Reply:GREAT what an effort.
Reply:I can vouch for quite a few of these in Europe and Japan. Our tour guide pointed out as many as possible (although I think some of the signs may have appeared *after* this spam started circulating).
The japanese signs are on a website. I guess thay could have been faked but why would you bother.
Don't know about the rest.
Reply:Yeah that was pretty funny
Reply:excellent mate, well done
starred
Reply:LOL! That's funny!
Reply:WHOA!! OMG! OMG! I CAN"T STOP LAUGHING!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Reply:hahahahahahaahhaha i cant stop laughing HAHAHAHAHAAH thats soooo funny lol i'd say a yes hahahahaahah
Reply:Brilliant! Have a star, my first laugh today
Reply:very funny lmao
Reply:"Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
Hahahahaha! That really made me laugh.
Some of these are excellent. Thanks for sharing!
Reply:hehehe, love em hun
star time
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Reply:Very good
Reply:Well.......that sure was long but so so funny.
Reply:can't wait to see your other jokes*
Reply:ahahaha that was tooo funny! me and my boyfriend were crying!
Reply:i found that so funnyyyyyyyyyyyy , it was a bit long though, where did you find it all?
Reply:not bad
nanny
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ***?
On a faucet in a Finnish washroom:
To stop the drip, turn cock to right.
In the window of a Swedish furrier:
Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin.
On the box of a clockwork toy made in Hong Kong:
Guarenteed to work throughout its useful life.
Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
Stop: Drive Sideaways.
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today - no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special coctails for the ladies with the nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian coctail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are the best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot beave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
English well talking. Here speeching American.
In a Tokyo hotel:
Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In another Japanese hotel room:
Please to bathe inside the tub.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig hotel elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening on underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetary where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
In a Honk Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15.000 Soviet painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
In an East African newspaper:
A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.
In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.
A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that poeple of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
A translated sentence from a Russian chess book:
A lot of water has been passed under the bridge since this variation has been played.
Its long but all funny and true what do you think yes or no?
Very Good have a Star
Reply:its great i love it wee bit too long thoguh but well done.
Reply:Very funny! Good job!
Reply:hehehehehehehehehehehehehe These are hilarious!!! couldn't stop laughing from beginning to end!! thanks for sharing!
Reply:lol
Reply:long but well worth the reading.
it was hilarious babe!!
Reply:Very interesting.
Reply:YES, These are GREAT. TOOO funny!
Reply:Ha ha ha.!!!
Excellent ones again Chris.!!!
Got me laughing here mate.!!!
10/10.!!!
Cheers.!!
Reply:FUNNY
Reply:Dude your killin me here lol
Reply:GREAT what an effort.
Reply:I can vouch for quite a few of these in Europe and Japan. Our tour guide pointed out as many as possible (although I think some of the signs may have appeared *after* this spam started circulating).
The japanese signs are on a website. I guess thay could have been faked but why would you bother.
Don't know about the rest.
Reply:Yeah that was pretty funny
Reply:excellent mate, well done
starred
Reply:LOL! That's funny!
Reply:WHOA!! OMG! OMG! I CAN"T STOP LAUGHING!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!
Reply:hahahahahahaahhaha i cant stop laughing HAHAHAHAHAAH thats soooo funny lol i'd say a yes hahahahaahah
Reply:Brilliant! Have a star, my first laugh today
Reply:very funny lmao
Reply:"Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself."
Hahahahaha! That really made me laugh.
Some of these are excellent. Thanks for sharing!
Reply:hehehe, love em hun
star time
xxxxxxxxxxxx
Reply:Very good
Reply:Well.......that sure was long but so so funny.
Reply:can't wait to see your other jokes*
Reply:ahahaha that was tooo funny! me and my boyfriend were crying!
Reply:i found that so funnyyyyyyyyyyyy , it was a bit long though, where did you find it all?
Reply:not bad
nanny
Corny Bar Jokes Why you ask because I ♥ You?
A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
A drunk walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted...peanut.
A man walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "OK, you can stay, but don't try and start nothin'."
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and his vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, even his boots are made of paper, even his spurs are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrested him for rustling.
A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. And the bartender said, "Can it really be true? We've got a drink named after you!" And the grasshopper said,” Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."
Rene Descartes was in a bar. At last call, the bartender asks him if he'd like another. Descartes says, "I think not." And he disappears.
A man walks into a bar and there's a beautiful woman sitting at the bar, and they sit and have a drink together, and she leans over and says, "I want you to make me feel like a real woman." So he takes off his jacket and says, "I need this ironed."
This duck walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down around your ankles."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. The bartender says, “Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your willie?” The pirate replies, “Aye! It’s driving me nuts!”
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "Hey," the bartender says, "what's his name?" "Tiny," the man replies. "Why call him that?" the bartender says. "Because he's my newt."
A string walks into a pub and orders a drink. "Sorry, we don't serve strings," says the barman. "What? That’s discrimination," says the string. So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar and again attempts to order a drink. "Aren't you that string I just refused to serve?" asks the barman. "No. I'm afraid not."
A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?"
This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."
This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, “What’ll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one. The bartender gives it to him and says "that'll be $25." A minute later making conversation the bartender says "We don't get many gorillas round these parts" The gorilla replies "I'm not surprised at these prices."
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'
A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer. With that a man at the bar said I don't want to drink at the same bar as this dog. The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot. With that the dog yelped out of the bar and down the street. A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get outa here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar."
A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?" The bartender says, "Once upon a time...."
Guys walking down the street %26amp; sees 'Word Bar' sign. He walks in %26amp; sees a woman behind the counter. "What's all this Word Bar stuff"? he asks. She says "Exactly what it says - we've got Verbs, Prepositions, Hyperbole, Punctuation - whatever you want". "Ok" says the guy - "gimme an entendre" "Single or double?" she asks, "Make it a double!" She raises one eyebrow %26amp; looks him up %26amp; down with a sly grin %26amp; says: "Don't you mean a LARGE one?"
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..." The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers" "Okay" says the customer,” I’ll tell it very slowly."
A doctor used to visit the same bar every day and order the same drink day in/day out. "Fix me an almond Daiquiri, Dick!" the fellow asked. "Coming right up!". This was the way it went for years on end. Finally one day, the bartender realized there were no more almonds anywhere in his inventory, and his customer was waiting anxiously at the bar for his favorite beverage. In a hurry, he figured that he could use a hickory nut, crush it up, the man would never know the difference. Well, the doctor took a sip of the drink and said "Is this an almond Daiquiri, Dick?". "Well, no, it's a hickory Daiquiri, Doc."
After a rather wet night the bartender asks Bruce, who's lying on the floor "Would you like a chair there?" "No, I'm okay standing, thanks."
A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and asks the barman "Have you seen my brother?". The barman asks, "What does he look like?".
A goldfish walks into a bar, jumps up on a bar stool and looks at the bartender really hard. The bartender asks the goldfish "What can I get you?" Goldfish keeps looking at the guy really deep and hard in a gasp "Water."
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender says "Olive or Twist?"
A chicken walks into a bar, looks around and says to the barman "Sorry, wrong joke"
Two drunks are in a bar. First one: "My wife is an angel" Second one: "You are lucky! Mine is still alive."
A guy walked into a bar. As he was ordering his first drink, he looked around and saw a guy down at the end of the bar falling off his stool. He said to himself "Aw, man, this is disgusting, somebody ought to do something." He walked over and said "Hey, buddy, let me give you a ride home." He picked the drunk up and dragged him to the door of the bar. He had to prop the guy up against the wall to open the door, but the guy fell down! When he got the guy out to his car, he propped him up against the car to get out his keys, and the guy fell down again! Soon they were on their way. He asked the drunk where he lived, and the drunk pointed to a house. He parked and helped the drunk out of the car. He dragged him up the stoop, and propped him up against the railing so he could ring the bell. Again, the guy fell down! Finally the drunk's wife came to the door. "Look, lady, I brought your husband home for you." She says "Well, that's very nice of you, young man, but where's his wheelchair?"
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," says the second. Curious, the first asks, "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it, me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin." "Of course." The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62." "This is becoming unbelievable!!!" the second man said. About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's up?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
An obnoxious drunk in a bar trying to get a girl to go home with him says, "Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" Girl says, "Unfertilized. Beat it!"
Corny Bar Jokes Why you ask because I ♥ You?
you weren't kidding when you corny......lol thanks for the giggles
Reply:a lot were really good..thanks for the laugh..iill make sure to get the wheelchair next time
Reply:How about my personal favourite:
Two baby seals walk into a club.'
Reply:LMAO!!! those are good...here's another...
A piece of string walks into a bar and says
"Pint of lager barman"
To which the barman replies
"I'm sorry son, I've never seen a piece of string drinking before, I can't serve you"
The piece of string is determined to get a pint and so goes outside rolls around a bit and ruffles himself up.
He walks back into the pub and up to the bar again and says
"Pint of lager please"
The barman scratches his head and asks
"Aren't you that piece of string I've just refused to serve?"
"No I'm a frayed knot" Comes the reply.
Reply:Funny stuff, one and all. I'll be using some of them, O.K.?
An ugly woman walks in a bar with a duck on her shoulder.
The bartender takes one look at her and says " where did you get that pig?" The woman says "Pig? That's not a pig, that's a duck!" The bartender says " I was talking to the duck lady."
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The monkey jumps on the bar and runs down to the condiments and eats all the cherry's. The bartender says " Hey, hey, hey! Get that monkey out of my bar!" The guy says " It's O.K. I'll take care of it." and puts a hundred dollar bill on the bar. Meanwhile, the monkey runs down to the end of the bar and jumps off onto the pool table and swallows a pool ball. The bartender says "Hey, hey, hey, get that monkey out of here!" The guy says "It's O.K. I'll take care of it." and puts another hundred on the bar and leaves with the monkey. About a week later the guy comes back in with the monkey on his shoulder. The monkey jumps off his shoulder, onto the bar and runs down to the condiments and takes a cherry out and sticks it up his butt. The bartender says " Awww, man, that's sick! What the hell is wrong with that monkey?" The guy says " I don't know for sure, but ever since he swallowed that pool ball, he's been measuring everything he eats."
Reply:Hey symbol lady!
I ♥ you too!
Thanks for the morning laughs!
(morning in California)
Reply:Really funny, THANKS!
windows media player 11
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
A drunk walks into a bar. "Ouch!" he says.
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted...peanut.
A man walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck. The bartender says, "OK, you can stay, but don't try and start nothin'."
Horse walks into a bar. Bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and his vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, even his boots are made of paper, even his spurs are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrested him for rustling.
A skeleton walked into a bar and asked for a beer and a mop.
A grasshopper walks into a bar. And the bartender said, "Can it really be true? We've got a drink named after you!" And the grasshopper said,” Why would anyone name a drink Bob?"
A blind man walks into a bar, grabs his dog by its hind legs, and swung him around in a circle. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, what are you doing?" And the blind man says, "Don't mind me, I'm just looking around."
Rene Descartes was in a bar. At last call, the bartender asks him if he'd like another. Descartes says, "I think not." And he disappears.
A man walks into a bar and there's a beautiful woman sitting at the bar, and they sit and have a drink together, and she leans over and says, "I want you to make me feel like a real woman." So he takes off his jacket and says, "I need this ironed."
This duck walks into a bar, and the bartender looks at him and says, "Hey, buddy, your pants are down around your ankles."
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his zipper. The bartender says, “Hey! Did you know you have a steering wheel attached to your willie?” The pirate replies, “Aye! It’s driving me nuts!”
A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. "Hey," the bartender says, "what's his name?" "Tiny," the man replies. "Why call him that?" the bartender says. "Because he's my newt."
A string walks into a pub and orders a drink. "Sorry, we don't serve strings," says the barman. "What? That’s discrimination," says the string. So the string walks into the bathroom and ties himself in a knot and messes up his end. He comes back out and approaches the bar and again attempts to order a drink. "Aren't you that string I just refused to serve?" asks the barman. "No. I'm afraid not."
A priest, a rabbi, a nun, a doctor, an engineer and a blond walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, what is this, some kind of a joke?"
This mushroom walks into a bar and starts hitting on this woman... She, of course, turns him down. Not willing, to give up, he pleads with her... "C'mon lady, I'm a fun guy..."
This baby seal walks into a bar and the bartender says, “What’ll ya have..." The seal says, "Anything but a Canadian Club
A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a cold one. The bartender gives it to him and says "that'll be $25." A minute later making conversation the bartender says "We don't get many gorillas round these parts" The gorilla replies "I'm not surprised at these prices."
A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron. "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge"
Two vampires walked into a bar and called for the bartender. "I'll have a glass of blood," said one. "I'll have a glass of plasma", said the other. "Okay," replied the bartender, "that'll be one blood and one blood lite..."
Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive...'
A dog walked into a bar and asked for a beer. With that a man at the bar said I don't want to drink at the same bar as this dog. The dog and the man got into a fight and the man shot the dog in the foot. With that the dog yelped out of the bar and down the street. A week later the same dog walked into the same bar, this time he was wearing a black hat, a black vest, black chaps, black boots, a black gun belt with a pair of black colt .45's one on either side, and a black bandage around his sore foot. He goes up to the bar and says to the bar tender "I'm looking for the man that shot my paw"
A five-dollar bill walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Get outa here! We don't serve your type. This is a singles bar."
A guy goes into a Chinese bar and says, "How 'bout a Stoly?" The bartender says, "Once upon a time...."
Guys walking down the street %26amp; sees 'Word Bar' sign. He walks in %26amp; sees a woman behind the counter. "What's all this Word Bar stuff"? he asks. She says "Exactly what it says - we've got Verbs, Prepositions, Hyperbole, Punctuation - whatever you want". "Ok" says the guy - "gimme an entendre" "Single or double?" she asks, "Make it a double!" She raises one eyebrow %26amp; looks him up %26amp; down with a sly grin %26amp; says: "Don't you mean a LARGE one?"
A guy walks into a bar, orders a beer and says to the bartender, "Hey, I got this great Polish Joke..." The barkeep glares at him and says in a warning tone of voice: "Before you go telling that joke you better know that I'm Polish, both bouncers are Polish and so are most of my customers" "Okay" says the customer,” I’ll tell it very slowly."
A doctor used to visit the same bar every day and order the same drink day in/day out. "Fix me an almond Daiquiri, Dick!" the fellow asked. "Coming right up!". This was the way it went for years on end. Finally one day, the bartender realized there were no more almonds anywhere in his inventory, and his customer was waiting anxiously at the bar for his favorite beverage. In a hurry, he figured that he could use a hickory nut, crush it up, the man would never know the difference. Well, the doctor took a sip of the drink and said "Is this an almond Daiquiri, Dick?". "Well, no, it's a hickory Daiquiri, Doc."
After a rather wet night the bartender asks Bruce, who's lying on the floor "Would you like a chair there?" "No, I'm okay standing, thanks."
A penguin walks into a bar, goes to the counter and asks the barman "Have you seen my brother?". The barman asks, "What does he look like?".
A goldfish walks into a bar, jumps up on a bar stool and looks at the bartender really hard. The bartender asks the goldfish "What can I get you?" Goldfish keeps looking at the guy really deep and hard in a gasp "Water."
Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a Martini. The bartender says "Olive or Twist?"
A chicken walks into a bar, looks around and says to the barman "Sorry, wrong joke"
Two drunks are in a bar. First one: "My wife is an angel" Second one: "You are lucky! Mine is still alive."
A guy walked into a bar. As he was ordering his first drink, he looked around and saw a guy down at the end of the bar falling off his stool. He said to himself "Aw, man, this is disgusting, somebody ought to do something." He walked over and said "Hey, buddy, let me give you a ride home." He picked the drunk up and dragged him to the door of the bar. He had to prop the guy up against the wall to open the door, but the guy fell down! When he got the guy out to his car, he propped him up against the car to get out his keys, and the guy fell down again! Soon they were on their way. He asked the drunk where he lived, and the drunk pointed to a house. He parked and helped the drunk out of the car. He dragged him up the stoop, and propped him up against the railing so he could ring the bell. Again, the guy fell down! Finally the drunk's wife came to the door. "Look, lady, I brought your husband home for you." She says "Well, that's very nice of you, young man, but where's his wheelchair?"
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink. "Why, of course," comes the reply. The first man then asks, "Where are you from?" "I'm from Ireland," replies the second man. The first man responds, "You don't say, I'm from Ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland." "Of course," says the second. Curious, the first asks, "Where in Ireland?" "Dublin," comes the reply. "I can't believe it, me too! Lets have another round of drinks to Dublin." "Of course." The second man can't help himself so he asks, "What school did you go to?" "Saint Mary's", replies the first man. "I graduated in '62." "This is becoming unbelievable!!!" the second man said. About that time, in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's up?" he asks the bartender. "Nothing much," replied the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk again!"
An obnoxious drunk in a bar trying to get a girl to go home with him says, "Hey, baby, how do you like your eggs in the morning?" Girl says, "Unfertilized. Beat it!"
Corny Bar Jokes Why you ask because I ♥ You?
you weren't kidding when you corny......lol thanks for the giggles
Reply:a lot were really good..thanks for the laugh..iill make sure to get the wheelchair next time
Reply:How about my personal favourite:
Two baby seals walk into a club.'
Reply:LMAO!!! those are good...here's another...
A piece of string walks into a bar and says
"Pint of lager barman"
To which the barman replies
"I'm sorry son, I've never seen a piece of string drinking before, I can't serve you"
The piece of string is determined to get a pint and so goes outside rolls around a bit and ruffles himself up.
He walks back into the pub and up to the bar again and says
"Pint of lager please"
The barman scratches his head and asks
"Aren't you that piece of string I've just refused to serve?"
"No I'm a frayed knot" Comes the reply.
Reply:Funny stuff, one and all. I'll be using some of them, O.K.?
An ugly woman walks in a bar with a duck on her shoulder.
The bartender takes one look at her and says " where did you get that pig?" The woman says "Pig? That's not a pig, that's a duck!" The bartender says " I was talking to the duck lady."
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The monkey jumps on the bar and runs down to the condiments and eats all the cherry's. The bartender says " Hey, hey, hey! Get that monkey out of my bar!" The guy says " It's O.K. I'll take care of it." and puts a hundred dollar bill on the bar. Meanwhile, the monkey runs down to the end of the bar and jumps off onto the pool table and swallows a pool ball. The bartender says "Hey, hey, hey, get that monkey out of here!" The guy says "It's O.K. I'll take care of it." and puts another hundred on the bar and leaves with the monkey. About a week later the guy comes back in with the monkey on his shoulder. The monkey jumps off his shoulder, onto the bar and runs down to the condiments and takes a cherry out and sticks it up his butt. The bartender says " Awww, man, that's sick! What the hell is wrong with that monkey?" The guy says " I don't know for sure, but ever since he swallowed that pool ball, he's been measuring everything he eats."
Reply:Hey symbol lady!
I ♥ you too!
Thanks for the morning laughs!
(morning in California)
Reply:Really funny, THANKS!
windows media player 11
Which snowboard should I get?
First time actually buying a snowboard and trying to see which one I should get. I am 6 foot tall and weight 170 lbs. I will be getting the Burton Moto boots in size 12. I think I want an all mountain board, I ride resorts and for the most part they are packed tight and get icy. I know it will be Burton. Do I have to go with a wide board? My back foot is close to 0 degrees. Im looking at the Royale right now if I have to get a wide board, its semi-wide. Also should I be going with a 162? Or what?
Which snowboard should I get?
Snowboard size has more to do with weight and riding style than height - I would say 158 to 160 for your size. With a size 12, a wide board is probably going to needed depending on what board you choose. Try this calculator which will also suggest some boards:
http://www.frostyrider.com/tips/size-gui...
I like Ride snowboards - have you considered a Ride Fleetwood or a Ride Decade? These are great freeride "mid-wide" boards.
Good Luck
Reply:Hey whats up. I have now been riding for 10 years, and by far the best piece of equipment I have ever purchased were a pair of DC Allegiance boots. Their boa system is easy, and quick. You should at least check them out. I also wear a size 12 boot, and I needed to go with a wider board. I am 6' 0" and ride a Never Summer legacy 163. If you do go with the Burton Royale, I would suggest picking up a pair of Burton Binding elevators. Here is a link. http://www.backcountry.com/store/BUR1731...
These will raise your feet high enough to eliminate drag.
You never mentioned your bindings, but I would go with a pair of Large Burton Cartels with toe straps. They work great for me. A 162 sounds like a perfect size board for your height/weight.
Hope this helps.
Reply:the royals a wicked good board.
good luck and have a great season
Reply:burton is the best you can get but 162 for your height is perfect...........good luck out there
Reply:Burton Custom is a great board and you can get it in wide.
windows
Which snowboard should I get?
Snowboard size has more to do with weight and riding style than height - I would say 158 to 160 for your size. With a size 12, a wide board is probably going to needed depending on what board you choose. Try this calculator which will also suggest some boards:
http://www.frostyrider.com/tips/size-gui...
I like Ride snowboards - have you considered a Ride Fleetwood or a Ride Decade? These are great freeride "mid-wide" boards.
Good Luck
Reply:Hey whats up. I have now been riding for 10 years, and by far the best piece of equipment I have ever purchased were a pair of DC Allegiance boots. Their boa system is easy, and quick. You should at least check them out. I also wear a size 12 boot, and I needed to go with a wider board. I am 6' 0" and ride a Never Summer legacy 163. If you do go with the Burton Royale, I would suggest picking up a pair of Burton Binding elevators. Here is a link. http://www.backcountry.com/store/BUR1731...
These will raise your feet high enough to eliminate drag.
You never mentioned your bindings, but I would go with a pair of Large Burton Cartels with toe straps. They work great for me. A 162 sounds like a perfect size board for your height/weight.
Hope this helps.
Reply:the royals a wicked good board.
good luck and have a great season
Reply:burton is the best you can get but 162 for your height is perfect...........good luck out there
Reply:Burton Custom is a great board and you can get it in wide.
windows
What's with all these non-southern people liking country stuff?
like, about 3 or 4 years ago people would be like "what kinda of music do you like?" and people would say "anything but COUNTRY!"
Now people are listening to all those country pop artists and wearing cowboy hats and boots and shirts that say "gettin lucky in kentucky" and "save a horse, ride a coyboy".
what the hell? have you ever BEEN to the south? don't you know that this makes you look like a damn HICK?!
What's with all these non-southern people liking country stuff?
B/c people are sheep.
Reply:People just like it, duh.
Most good fashion in America is from France.
Not many people have been to France.
Get over it.
Reply:Same reason the same people were, listening to rap and callin themselves "playas" when they grew up in cowtown Oregon....
Reply:everyone is different and get better language
Reply:I don't think that it matters. If they want to like it then w/e it's there life. By the way, not all people from the south are hicks, have you been to texas? The Houston area isn't country at all, it's completly high fashion and business.
Reply:I does make me sad that the same people wearing truck's hats (Von Dutch, Paris!!) and rocking out to "southern rock" like Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd think they are too good and mock people as trailer trash, hill billys and rednecks. You can't have it both ways...people in south are "good old boys" who work hard for a living and may not have clean fingernails, but they'd give you their last dollar.
Reply:does it MATTER where they are from to like a certain thing? i grew up in texas and i dont really care for country, some country singers arent even from america! i dont think i ever see people like that, anyways. I know more people here (in colorado) that wear cowboy hats and stuff than i knew when i lived in Texas.
books
Now people are listening to all those country pop artists and wearing cowboy hats and boots and shirts that say "gettin lucky in kentucky" and "save a horse, ride a coyboy".
what the hell? have you ever BEEN to the south? don't you know that this makes you look like a damn HICK?!
What's with all these non-southern people liking country stuff?
B/c people are sheep.
Reply:People just like it, duh.
Most good fashion in America is from France.
Not many people have been to France.
Get over it.
Reply:Same reason the same people were, listening to rap and callin themselves "playas" when they grew up in cowtown Oregon....
Reply:everyone is different and get better language
Reply:I don't think that it matters. If they want to like it then w/e it's there life. By the way, not all people from the south are hicks, have you been to texas? The Houston area isn't country at all, it's completly high fashion and business.
Reply:I does make me sad that the same people wearing truck's hats (Von Dutch, Paris!!) and rocking out to "southern rock" like Kid Rock and Lynyrd Skynyrd think they are too good and mock people as trailer trash, hill billys and rednecks. You can't have it both ways...people in south are "good old boys" who work hard for a living and may not have clean fingernails, but they'd give you their last dollar.
Reply:does it MATTER where they are from to like a certain thing? i grew up in texas and i dont really care for country, some country singers arent even from america! i dont think i ever see people like that, anyways. I know more people here (in colorado) that wear cowboy hats and stuff than i knew when i lived in Texas.
books
English Notices?
Here are some signs and notices written in English that were
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ***?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
English Notices?
the Germany Black's forest is my favorite. lol. the zurich hotel one is HILLARIOUS. (did i spell that right?)
lol @ the roman doctor...so we're diseases now?
C++ Function
discovered throughout the world. You have to give the writers an
'E' for Effort. We hope you enjoy them.
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of
wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by
national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the
hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox
monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except
Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the
boots of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose;
beef rashers beaten up in the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live
together in one tent unless they are married with each other
for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the
opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby
be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ***?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed
as a man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to
it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable
food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are
best in the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air
conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your
room, please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn.
Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles
your passage then tootle him with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
English Notices?
the Germany Black's forest is my favorite. lol. the zurich hotel one is HILLARIOUS. (did i spell that right?)
lol @ the roman doctor...so we're diseases now?
C++ Function
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