A response for those who replied about my 13 year old daughter?

I have talked to her. The police have talked to her. Im not sure if you are all in the US, but I am in Canada and I have looked for boot camp. Her and her 3 friends stole my van for a joy ride a few weeks ago while I was sleeping and you know what the cops said...because there was no damage and they brought it back I cant press charged. She is going to drug and alcohol counselling, but she lies there. Home schooling...that would mean that one of us would have to quit our jobs and financially that isnt realistic. She wouldnt do the homework at home anyway. She is totally defiant. I am hoping that someone who has been through something similiar can let me know what they did. I have done everything I can except send her to foster care. Serious answers only please....I am truly reaching out to anyone who can lend some advice.

A response for those who replied about my 13 year old daughter?
I answered your other question. Sending your child away only proves in their eyes one thing you didn't want them and don't love them. by doing as i suggested in the first response it would prove that you do love them and they will get the hint fast when they are cut off of the contributors i speak from experience my 12 year old started that this year and i acted on it as soon as i found out that although she chose to be defiant her friends helped to peer pressure her decision uggg i just read what other had to say THIS IS NOT THE RESULT OF POOR PARENTING IT IS THE RESULT OF ONE CHILD'S DECISION AND THE PEER PRESSURE OF FRIENDS i have 3 other children that i treat the same and they all have come out well its just the one child that has the problem which i dealt with and so can the person who asked the question. making a parent feel bad doesn't help the situation some children are more daring then others which has nothing to do with what the parents do or don't do for them
Reply:WTF. I'm 13 and that's crazy. My mom would kill me if I stole her car. lol.


Im homeschooled. only my dad works. We make it out fine, try boot camp she deserves it.
Reply:I am Canadian as well. I have to suggest the "Tough Love Program". There is also a program called "Portage" in New Brunswick. What about sending her to military style school like King's Edgehill in Nova Scotia?
Reply:Hi, Please take Rene's advice. It sounds like you all are incredibly stressed, and the situation is getting worse. I can not imagine you will be able to work this out amongst yourselves at this point.


Don't pay any attention to anyone who says you were a bad parent, they do not know you or your daughter and what the situation is like there. You obviously care for her very much because you are on Yahoo trying to get any help that you can. Kudos to you!


I'll be praying for you!- dd
Reply:I work in a behavior modification program with 9th and 10th graders. We have kids as young as 6th grade (I just don't interact with them). Most of these kids have done the same things your daughter has--AND WORSE!





First, take her and your whole family to see a counselor. It's not just her problem or your problem, it's the entire family's problem. Maybe she needs medication, maybe she doesn't...that's up to the counselor. At the very least, you all will gain insight in how to cope with her behaviors and the proper responses to it from attending family counseling sessions. She will also learn that you are serious about wanting her to change not only for herself, but for the good of the whole family!





Next, find a behavior modification program. No, not a bootcamp!! Bootcamps are ineffective and have closed in my state. BMPs work because the kids come in and are given the choice to change and work their way out. They have to set goals and reach them. They have a strict set of expectations they have to adhere to and they are enforced with consequences. They are taught that their actions always have consequences. That might be a lesson she hasn't learned yet.





Make sure you back up everything the counselor and the folks at the BMP say. Too often, I see parents who bring their kids in and they expect us to fix them and raise them. When we need backup, we get the same old "song and dance" from the parents..."I'm too busy to attend a meeting with you", or "Not my child!" or worse--we never hear back from them after leaving multiple messages about their child and their behaviors.





It is not an inpatient program. Our program is an alternative high school program and the kids are home each night. We send home reports each week to the parents for their signatures and acknowledgements. We drug test (both alcohol and illegal substances) regularly and steps are taken if they have a positive test to get them into a drug avoidance program. We also teach them the same high school subjects they were taking in their mainstream school. I would hope you have something like this program in Canada. It's very effective and puts the responsibility for behavior where it should be--in your child's lap!





You definitely need help!! Your daughter is out of control, so take control and get her the help she needs and get the help you need.





Good Luck to you!!
Reply:boarding school no boys to flirt with sista you owe that girls years of punishment
Reply:ohhh you live in canada. you can't touch her dang that sucks. canada is strict with their laws if she was over here you could've been beat her here you need to move to america it sounds stupid but i mean a life is at stake. you need to leave because canada is a good place to live awesome but our rules are different.
Reply:i have a half sister. she is the same way. unfortunatly my dad lost her. she didnt die but she is nolonger part of the family. she lives in a different state, only calls on holidays, and dosnt even no i am 13. she still thinks i am 3 years old. i am sorry. but why dont u try an all girls bording school or a cathlic school and make sure u drop her off at school and make shur that there is a person with her all the time to make sure that she stays in school
Reply:i do home school and i totally hate it u can't hang out with other people your own age here.


i hate school my mum taught me this year and well we fought all the time.
Reply:Home schooling is a good idea, you dont have to make it permanent, but make her think it is, talk to her principal and ask if you could remove her from her classes but have all her work picked up by you or someone.. you don't have to quit your job, say you trust her to stay home alone..Take away all privilages.No Phone, computer, games, friends, nothing. Make a list of chores that have to be done daily like laundry and cleaning(mop, weep,dust, organize daily...make sure to keep up with it). After about 2 weeks, let her go out once with her friends, and maybe after a while allow a 15minute phone conversation a day, after chores are done that is. Be creative with it. after about 6 week let her go back to normal school, and you should see a change. I''m letting you know I am only 18, but I am studying adolescent psychology and have a 4.0 GPA. Hope I helped
Reply:Sounds kind of like how my friends were I was never that bad though. I just had a bad mouth on me, truant, and lied to my parents all the time, but this wasn't at 13 more like 14,15. I was late I guess. I grew out of it thank goodness. I had emotional problems that triggered everything I did, I was severely depressed, etc. the list goes on for me I was eventually hospitalized for my actions because my parents weren't watching me closely enough.





For you I'm wishing you all the luck you can get, I see the 13 year olds now and wonder how bad I must have been. Have you tried taking her to a psychologist like someone said above? Maybe things in her life are making her act out, while most likely it could just be peer pressure at her age and the normal 13 year old stage. Can she not just switch schools, or maybe a private school to get into a different crowd? At one point my parents tried this but in our area nothing was close enough and there work didn't allow it so I don't know your situation. Maybe try to spend one on one time together doing only girl things? It might create a better bond between you two and see if she'll open up to you since most girls at that age are really closed off to there parents.





Whatever you do don't give up, and stay strong! My mom has always said that the teen years were the hardest, she's already raised 2 boys but she said raising a girl was the hardest :)
Reply:I would get the child in to a Dr. Psychologist. Medication for calming her if deemed necessary. Sometimes foster care is good but, it isn`t a route any of us like. I personally don`t want a child to go there unless they are in harms way. Sometimes a different location helps. Sometimes the neighborhood is the problem. Sometimes it is the friends of the child. Going to a boot camp may be difficult on all. It does change a child totally. I`m not happy for what they did in boot camp, I have no clue as to what they did to them. My grandchild came back changed but, I wonder if it was for the better. He listens well. However, he didn`t come back able to hug or get close to as he was before it. He came back distant. Yes, he is slowly came back to kisses and hugs for family. Yet, you can feel the distance. I know we all change in time. The boot camp, I still have my questions about. What did they do to my boy? Why is he so changed? I don`t know. He won`t speak about it. Except they yelled at him alot. Screamed in his face. In his ears.( they knew he just got tubes in his ears) They made him break. Whatever they did.. I can`t say it was good. He always listened at home. His trouble was the school, %26amp; a teacher. The other trouble was me listening to Sally Jesse Rapheal. I told him when angry to draw. Like she said to. He did, and that is what got him in trouble. I pray you find help for your child. I can`t tell you what to do. Here we got a tutor to come in to tutor him for a while. One parent/grandparent had to be home during the hours. Times were hard. He`s almost 18 now back in school doing well for the most part. A decent young man. However, he always was a good kid. He is on medication to calm him, anger management. If he wasn`t in school, I don`t think he would have needed it. However, with peer pressure, we had to do something. Lexapro is what he takes. Good Luck.
Reply:Just tell her that she needs to straighten out or else your going to kick her out and tell her your not joking, if she still behaves like this really do kick her out or send her to live with someone she does listen to.
Reply:foster care the only thing left you migth not want to but you have to. its for her own good or send her away to a family of yours....
Reply:Don't quit your job and certainly don't home school. That's even more of an escape route for her to take advantage of. Here is my thoughts. Take everything away from her.I MEAN EVERYTHING. Take her to school and pick her up, rework your schedule and find someone to stay with her until you get off work. (i mean she acts like a convict, then treat her like one). In the mean time, I would do a search online for ALL GIRLS CATHOLIC SCHOOL. They dont mess around in there. See if you can afford it and consider it. This may be the last chance you have to keep her on the right road. You're the parent, so REMEMBER: TOUGH LOVE HURTS
Reply:simple logic. she is doing it because she's in the stage where she reached the level of not worrying because food and shelter, education , friendship and love is already satisfied(Heirarachy of Needs). congratulations she is now a very secured person ready on the next level to make a serious relationship to an opposite sex. but with a lack of wisdom and experience kind.


it's a normal reaction if family life is in very fast phase.





you got to slow down the process. cut the love, cut the education or food or shelter. depending on how she reacts. make her insecure at her age. show her you are still have an authority over her. by law and by blood


i know this sound harsh. its a real way of looking it into.


she is a living body it will adjust in order to survive and protect her life





understand what you'll decide, fear is a mental form of release out of incomplete information.


don't waste your money in counselling. they 're doing it out of money. i bet it just a temporary solution. you know better than those books, you have more expereience to your daughter than anybody else do it out of love. share it just to her.
Reply:I'm 13 too


When I do something bad (no i don't steel cars) my parents stop giving me pocket money, forbid me to use the computer


Every teen hates that...


Happy new year
Reply:Well, I have to be a little tough and say that is the result of poor parenting. You have spoiled her with a lack of discipline and inadvertantly taught her that the world revolves around her. You've got to toughen up, provide discipline when she does these things, and serious discipline. Nothing will change if you don't change something. But the real problem here is that because you haven't provided meaningful discipline to this point, it's very difficult to do an about-face...but that's what you have to do. You have control over her, you just have to seize it. Call the police when she doesn't comply. Spank her butt good, and let her know if she wants to call the authorities, she should be prepared to leave with the authorities when they come, (I'm not sure on the laws in Canada).
Reply:all girls boarding school
Reply:its called DISCIPLINE, something you obviously have never given her as a young child. she does something really wrong you smack her, she talks back to you, you stick a bar of soap in her mouth to wash out the filthy language. smack her, smack her, smack her again, and dont let her out of the house outside school hours. then humiliate her by picking her up from in front of the school, honking the horn and calling her name LOUDLY in front of the other students. then offer her the choice to change and you will stop doing this. simple isnt it
Reply:I would so love to help cause it seems rough on you %26amp; I understand cause you %26amp; your husband can't keep control on both so I don't know though cause my 14 year old cousin has the same problem except she licks girls pu**y %26amp; all kinds of other nasty stuff.


My aunt locks her up in her room,takes her phone n computer, then she comes in a lil bit later talks to her %26amp; then repeats the same thing over n over.


Finally she stopped!


Hope this works if you try it,god bless %26amp; happy late new year!



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